Ah Man Blog

Learning from Pain

I have a few questions for those of you who have been following along with me this month in exploring the different aspects of pain and how it affects us.

Can you now see the bigger picture of how experiencing pain can make you a better person?  Can you be thankful for what you have learned from all the pain you’ve experienced?  I’m not talking about being in the pain.  I’m referring to what you have learned by going through the pain.  Can you look at those who have caused you pain, and see the pain they are suffering?  Can you say a prayer for then, asking that they find the same peace in life that you are looking for?

When we can answer yes to those questions, we find ourselves in a state of awareness unlike any we have ever known before.  We see how fragile our body, mind, feelings and spirit can be and, at the same time, we see their durability.

The big question is: can we now adjust our way of living to accommodate the changes needed to heal and keep ourselves mentally, emotionally and spiritually fit?   Looking back, it may be difficult to objectively appreciate the lesson we had to learn, and we may not like the way the lesson was taught.  Personally, I am grateful for where I am.  I have experienced a lot of pain and very harsh life lessons, but today I believe that I’m a better person for it. 

Ultimately, as with all of our pain, we have to work it out with the God of our understanding.  When we make peace with God’s children (and remember that we, too, are God’s children) we make peace with God as well.

To learn more about Michael Hoare and An-Man, visit here.

Pain and Trust

Let’s say that you’re someone who doesn’t readily let people get too close to you.  However, you are in a state of pain that is so great, you are compelled to let someone else in so that they can help you.  That is a good thing, because it can speed up the process of healing.  As you heal, you’ll regain your physical, mental and emotional balance.

And then you reach a crucial point.  Do you slip back into your old patterns of not letting others in, or can you look at the big picture to see what has occurred in its entirety?

What I mean by this is not just your realization that you were hurting and you allowed someone to help you.  By allowing someone in, you actually gained something by being hurt.  And that is a big deal!

Does that make you see things differently?  Are you doing things differently?  Are you able to see that it’s not all about you?  Are you now able to trust yourself and others on a deeper level?  

Sometimes you have to go through the pain in order to regain the trust.  And I believe that you will be better for the experience.

To learn more about Michael Hoare and Ah-Man, visit here.

Pain and Vulnerability

Whenever we are in a state of healing, be it physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, we usually are dependent on others.  We need other human beings, and that can be a difficult proposition in itself, for many reasons.  Doubtless, there have been times in life when independence was a definite advantage.  But when we are in that healing state, independence hurts us more than it helps us. 

Let’s face it, pain makes us vulnerable.  And vulnerability makes us fearful.  Our recovery could very well depend on letting others in.  But by letting others help us, we are also allowing them to see our vulnerability.  So to be able to let them in, sometimes the physical pain needs to be greater than the fear of exposing our vulnerability. 

This is the point at which we are forced to shed our false sense of control, and take a step forward to embrace a new level of trust.

Easier said than done, I know.  Next week, I’ll talk about the process of learning how to trust ourselves enough to trust others.

To learn more about Michael Hoare and Ah-man, visit here.

The Nature of Pain

The Sufi’s say pain is the doorway to God.  While all of us might not be in that same place of awareness, it’s not too hard to understand where the Sufis are coming from.

Let’s face it.  Most of the time, pain brings us to our knees, regardless of whether the nature of the pain is physical, mental, emotional or spiritual.

When we experience physical pain, our bodies are usually trying to tell us something.  Something is wrong or our body is going through a process of healing.  And as we all know, healing can also be painful at times.

An example of mental pain might be the inability to make a decision; going round and round, yet unable to move forward.  When we keep mental pain to ourselves, it really is a lot like being on a merry-go-round.  My friend often says “Being in my head [i.e., that place of mental pain] is like being in a bad neighborhood.  I put myself in real danger.”

Emotional pain is usually the hardest to deal with. This pain can come when someone has hurt us, knowingly or unknowingly, which makes it even harder for us to share the pain with others.  We might be embarrassed about what has happened, or just plain afraid of being hurt again if we share our feelings. 

We often don’t even realize that we are experiencing spiritual pain.  I believe that this kind of pain is rooted in not learning what we are meant to learn from the physical, mental and/or emotional pain we have experienced. 

When we fail to acknowledge or deal with our various types of pain, we find ourselves caught up in a vicious cycle.  In the next few weeks, I’ll talk about ways to acknowledge and deal with the pain, and about the process of healing.

To learn more about Michael Hoare and Ah-man, visit here .